Keep the Range. Build the Centre
Writings, illustrated dialogues and reflections for a steadier inner life.
WHAT I WAS REALLY LOOKING FOR
I Didn’t Want to Feel Less. I Wanted Somewhere Steady to Stand
For a long time, I believed my problem was feeling too much.
I picked up on changes in tone, tension in a room, and possibilities or risks that others seemed to miss. I could see different sides of a decision at the same time. The trouble was, each side came with its own strong argument and emotional story.
Other people seemed to have a much simpler approach. They decided what they wanted, said it, and moved on. I thought about what I wanted, what they wanted, whether my choice would upset them, if their upset meant I was selfish, and if their confidence meant they knew better. By the time I finished thinking all this through, they had already booked the table, chosen the place, or moved the furniture.
Because they seemed sure and I seemed unsure, they often got what they wanted. That was one of the most frustrating things. Sometimes I could see more of the situation, but the person who saw less was better at acting. Their confidence filled the room, while my complicated thoughts faded into the background.
A single comment could make me doubt a choice I felt sure about earlier that day. Someone’s disapproval could turn a decision into guilt. I could understand everyone around me and still lose sight of my own life.
What I needed wasn’t less sensitivity.
I needed a centre.
A centre doesn’t block out all those feelings. It gives me a place to take them in. I can hear someone else’s opinion without treating it as an order. I can understand their disappointment without thinking my choice is wrong. I can see many possible paths and still choose one.
With a centre, feeling deeply doesn’t mean being pulled in every direction. I don’t have to be the loudest or most stubborn person in the room. I just stop believing that someone else’s confidence is more reliable than my own quiet understanding.
I can stay thoughtful without freezing, care without always giving in, and stay open without letting someone else take control.
I created Bench by the River to explore how we can keep the richness of a wide emotional life without being constantly pulled away from ourselves. Here you’ll find writings, illustrated conversations, and reflections that put words to what’s happening inside us, along with practical ways to build a centre strong enough to hold it.
This isn’t a place to learn how to feel less. It’s a place to learn how to stay yourself while feeling more.
Feel widely. Choose from within.
I FOLLOWED THE QUESTIONS AND FOUND
Three Pathways Towards the Centre
Don’t begin at the beginning. Start with the one that makes you think, Ah. That sounds like me.
Human Vehicle
If you’ve wondered why one part of you wants one thing while another seems to take over, begin here.
Explore the human system that carries feeling, thought, memory and habit—and discover who is really holding the steering wheel.
Feeling Range
If you’ve ever thought, “Why do I feel so much?” this is a good place to start.
Find out why some people feel life more strongly, why being sensitive can feel too much, and how to experience deep feelings without getting lost.
Man & Sage
If you enjoy learning through stories and conversations rather than explanations, start here.
Follow gentle illustrated dialogues between the part of us caught in the weather and the quieter voice that can always see a little further.
SELECTED PIECES
Begin Where You Lose Yourself
If you recognise yourself in the patterns I have described—overthinking decisions, absorbing other people’s feelings, yielding to keep the peace or becoming uncertain about where you end and others begin—I would begin with these pieces. I have chosen them because together they offer three useful first steps: recognising your pattern, finding your ground and understanding what it means to build a centre.
Why Sensitive People Lose Themselves: A Self-Test
A gentle place to recognise how sensitivity, emotional pressure and self-abandonment may be working in your life.
How to Stay Grounded as a Sensitive Person
Come here when you have absorbed too much, bent too quickly or need to return to your own position.
WHEN A QUESTION NEEDS MORE ROOM
Doorway to the Inner Life
When an idea refuses to leave me alone, it usually becomes a book.
Some start with a question I keep thinking about. Others come as a story, a poem, or a conversation that keeps growing. They just need more room than an article allows.
Some are written using my name. Others, especially my children’s and poetry books, are published under the pen name Mama Maja. They may look different, but they all share the same hope: to help us understand
FROM THE BENCH
Join Me by the River
If you’ve enjoyed your time here, I’d love to have you back. Every so often, I’ll send out a letter with new writings, conversations, Bench Notes, and updates on my books. I’ll only write when I have something meaningful to share. You can unsubscribe at any time.